The decision has been made, and the separation or divorce is now definite.  How do we handle this process? Not particularly the grieving aspect, though this will play a large part.  This blog is to present some ideas on what might help us to get through as painlessly as possible.

Sorting out separation, property and asset settlement, custody arrangements and divorce is often an extremely emotional and distressing time for all parties involved.  If we are able to prepare we may be able to see clearly without the emotional upset rendering us incapable of making rational decisions and maybe sabotaging our future choices. Once our emotions take over we lose focus and focus through this process is imperative and being prepared will enable a smoother transition.  So how do we  prepare and stay focused on the issues?

Work on building harmony.  Anger is a normal reaction and often is a cover for other emotions...nevertheless it is a reaction.  Try to respond rather than react to help work through differences.

Be flexible– there will be curveballs – learn to adjust.

Learn from mistakes.  We all make them.  Remember there is no failure only feedback.

Keep your stress in check– it is hard to keep your emotions in check when under stress so figure out what helps you. Exercise, Yoga, Meditation, talking to a friend – whatever it is, engage in it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff– worrying over circumstances you can’t control will drain your mental reserves and wear you down. Resist the urge to be a control freak and let go of little upsets and inconveniences.

Seek advice from professionals early.   Seek legal advice.  Seeking advice doesn’t mean you have to accept all the advice.  It is your choice.  It will however impart knowledge and knowledge may be crucial.

Finally, accept yourself.  Strength comes from within.  Our brain doesn’t distinguish between negative/positive messages so ensure you reinforce the positive ones.

Alex Roberts